you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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