You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish they made helmets for livers.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
