I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
