You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize