the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
