so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
