He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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