When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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