so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
