still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
