in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
