weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
