apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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