The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
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Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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