...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
