I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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