i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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