I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
