Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
