After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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