dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
