well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
