Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
