Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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