I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
