no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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