If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
