Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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