i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
