My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
