i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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