I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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