that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
