I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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