I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
