You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
