i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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