Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
