I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
