There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
