i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
