Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
