Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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