On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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