She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
