Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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