i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
