So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
