Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
