He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
