dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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