Define "chronic" masturbator.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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