you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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