you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
