Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize