i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
