Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
