Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Mom said you looked used
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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