Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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