can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
