I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
