it was like his penis was on wheels.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
