New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
