You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
