I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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