your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
